I started having gay fantasies about the same time I started masterbating.

Some of my earliest sexual fantasies involved me in a submissive role to men. Not long after my hand learned to please my manhood, my fingers learned to excite my warmth. My early sexual life involved myself and my dreams.

But as I grew I became just one of the guys, learning all the cool and crude ways of hetrosexuality. I still had my dreams, but I never let them out. Then I had a friend, a few years older, who I thought was really cool. He was a master with the women -- he got girls most guys only dream of. He was really smart, and cool, and artistic, and, he let me hang with him.

His name was Richard. Richard could do things that only someone very smart, and very cool, and very sure of himself could do. Richard could talk about swinging. He had been to parties before, he said, that turned into love-fests everyone playing everyone. I was fascinated by Richard's description of the orgies, because he made the bi-sexuallity of them sound like part of an exciting new movement. Only someone with a very open mind, and a high level of enlightnement could appreciate this movement, Richard made me think. Even though I was deeply interested in what Richard was talking about, I was nervous, and responded with the cool and crude mannors I'd learned as a teenager. Richard was not fooled. One night we went to a local singles bar. I'd been there often had managed to score there a few times. It was a place I felt comfortable just hanging out at. Richard was playing the crowd. I hung at the end of the bar, chatted with everyone coming and going, and played pinball.

I was at a pinball machine when Richard came up behind me. He was having a good time, and, because the juke box music was loud, he leaned toward my ear and shouted something about what a great sexy night it was. Then he gently put his hand on my soft place. No question it was deliberate and no question I did't pull away. I did turn from the machine to see Richard flashing me a big, engaging smile. I only smiled back. Richard went back to circulate again in the bar, and I returned to the pinball.

I felt a strange chill go through me as I realized that the way I reacted to Richard's touch and smile was the same way I'd seem so many women react. And I knew that, most often, those women ended up with Richard. I finished my game, and nursed my drink.

Richard didn't keep me waiting long. He came back and asked if I was ready to go I was. I couldn't have asked for a better first time. Richard was very entertaining he had me smiling all the way back to his apartment.

He never mentioned, yet we both knew, what we were going there for.

He had me laughing and smiling, and he virtually talked me out of my clothes. He seemed to very much enjoy my getting naked for him.

He made me feel that, as I stripped away my clothes, I stripped awy my inhibitions, and that what emerged was more than my naked body, but my deepest sexuallity. It helped that Richard knew what to do. It helped that he was a handsome man. It helped that he was hung and hot, yet not monsterous or mean. He made my body sing. As he touched me, as he held me, as he went into me, as he played me with incredibly increasing passion, all my dreams came out. Everyting that was in me came out, and came out with long, slow, building power that erupted once and again in overwhelming explosions of feeling.

My whole body was orgasmic. I reached some new level of passion and experience.

Throughout the night he played me repeatedly.

He claimed that I excited so much passion in him that he couldn't stop. He couldn't get enough of me and I couldn't get enough of him. Of course, after that night, my life changed. Richard did invite me to a party it did turn into a love-fest, and I did enjoy multiple partners -- male and female. I found that I loved sucking.

Nothing tastes better to me than a length that has recently been in a woman. After a couple months, a couple parties, and many times with Richard, I became somewhat disillusioned with him. I went through what so many women have gone through when they finally wake up to see the playboy that they've been giving everything to. Oddly, I started to feel used I started to resent that Richard could be so passionate with me, then, when the playing stopped, take on an arrogance. And as I started to feel this way, Richard started to treat me with less respect. It became inevitable that our situation would lead to a scene, and he did finally embarrass me publically, shouting at me in front of friends, and making it clear that he was through with me.

Everyone around, though he never said it, seeing that I was just some fagot bitch he had played and gotten tired of. It took me a long time to get over this, but I am now comfortable with myself as a bi-sexual man. And, in spite of the ending, I still see Richard as the very best that ever had me.